Can I really use a computer well?

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Africonnect, the company I work for, has recently become Zambia's first officially approved partner for the ICDL.

ICDL, which stands for International Computer Driver License, is a worldwide standard certification programme for end user computing. It covers essential IT concepts, file managements, word processing, spreadsheets, desktop database applications, presentation software and the internet. It is an ideal programmme for those who want learn the basics of computer use or to assess the efficiency with computers.

I know it may sound ridiculous to you, especially that you're reading this off the web but if you think about it, knowing how to swing an axe properly would save you time an energy in the task of cutting wood. It is for similar reasons that the ICDL has become a standard measure for good computer use in some corporations and learning institutions on the continent.

Next week, I will start preparing for the 7 tests I need to take to obtain certification. Two of my colleagues at work have been taking the tests and completed their certification process this morning. One of them scoring in a 100% in two of the modules.

There are a lot of things that can be done a lot more easily even in Microsoft Word that a lot of people do not know. For example, most people I encounter do not know that defining the headings in your document will give you a correctly (and updatable) table of contents or that spliting your document into sections will let you set the orientation of specific pages in the document so that you can fit in those tables and diagrams in the appropriate places.

I must sound pretty arrogant mentioning these things but the truth is even though I do could be considered an advanced computer user I never took the schooling for it. Most of you know that that the driver's who have never been to driving school are often the cause of risks we encounter on the road. Similarly, I hope I'll unlearn some long winding bad habits in the way I use my office software and maybe I'll blog more often after this.

So here we go ... I'll let you know how I fair.

If you want to know more abot the ICDL program visit http://www.icdl.org.zm

PS. I'm thinking of joining the local ToastMasters chapter - I'm going to learn to speak again!

The MMD is Dead!

I think the Movement for Multiparty Democracy (MMD), Zambia's national ruling party, is way past it's sell-by-date. It is not even a shadow of it's own ideals. Its continuing governance of Zambia has become a falsehood not too different from "The Emperor's New Clothes", a story told by Hans Christian Anderson. In our version however, we, the Zambian people, are the Emporer, the party is the great cloak we imagine exisits and our leaders - the wiley tailors that convince us that the invisible cloak is something too magnificencent for the naked, untrained eye to behold.

The MMD is an irrelevant body of members each with the personal ambition becoming President of our republic. They have long forgotten the basic tenets of democracy that they see nothing wrong in the fact that they bend their own constitutional conditions for party presidency at every turn not to make it more accesible but to glove fit it for single specific candidates.

They see nothing with the fact that senior party cadres (some appointed to the executive) threaten to physically attackthee press - a vital pillar of our democracy. They forget that the "chosen one" is not a deity. E Pluribus Unum - from among many one. From among many, us, one is set apart to serve us as torch bearer on the path towards the destiny we have chosen. He is from among us - finite in knowledge, power and presence.

The MMD is dead - it no longer stands for anything beyond the personal desires of those who stitch together it's non-existent garment. Sadly, however, so are the other parties in our republic.

Electrifying Acts of Theft

On Tuesday, 28th April, while enjoying my self at the launch of LiF Media's flagship publication LiF Magazine I received an sms from my brother informing me that ZESCO, the electricity company, had turned off our electricity because of an outstanding bill.

This wasn't altogether a shock considering that we had not received a bill from Zesco since July last year. We had however contiued to pay them the average of our usual consumption each month so my guess was that we owed them the accumulated difference for each month which would not be more than what we paid in a month.

Now, imagine my shock (no pun intended) when I took a look at the statement in the morning to find that we owed them just under K2,000, 000. To owe them that amount of money would mean that we had not paid our rates for two whole years and more.

Conversations with the Electricity Supplier on Wednesday and Thursday indicate that the clowns ... pardon me ...I mean thieves ... have no idea how they came up with that figure.

I am aware that that Rodin Sisaala and his Execcutive have been making appeals for government to allow them to increase tarrifs but until they do (I now hope they don't) ... EASY DOES IT!!!!!

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button's Sister

Image by Getty Images via Daylife

**** Spoiler Alert ****

You may want to skip this post if you have not seen "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" yet.

**********************

When Benjamin (Brad Pitt) returns to the United States as the sole survivor of the heroic and selfless attack on a enemy submarine by the tug boat he works on, we are introduced to his foster sister - the only child born to his adoptive mother (Taraji P. Henson).

The curious thing is ... we never see her again. She doesn't even make an appearance at her mother's funeral where we see family friends paying their respect and condolences to Benjamin and his girlfriend Daisy (Cate Blanchett). This began to bother me even more as the movie drew to a close because as you know Benjamin's life gets lonelier - so much so that when he is eventually brought back to the old people's home because he has been found living on his own and suffering from dementia, it is a recently widowed Dausy that returns to look after him.

It doesn't seem like Benjamin and his sister could have had an estranged relationship. At the funeral of his "real" father he reminds his adoptive mother that she is the only mother he has ever known and they do indeed have a close relationship.

What on earth happens to his sister? Why is she introduced to the story if she is of no consequence at all. Especially for a story that has relationships as it's plot basis?

I've Left The Watch Dog

Beginning the 1st of March, 2009, I am no longer involved with the Zambian Watch Dog.

In September 2008 Lloyd Himaambo, proprietor and editor of the the Watch Dog media, approached me to join him in setting up an alternative online Zambian news source. This was just before the general elections held after the sad demise of the 3rd Republican President His Late Excellency LP Mwanawasa.

I am proud to live in a country that respects our right to free speech. Being a partner on The Watch Dog gave me the opportunity to offer others the right to practice this right through the free comment system that is allowed at the end of each article.

During the period of my involvement The Watch Dog has steadily grown to an average of 3000 visits in a week (Google Analytics report for 2-8 Mar, 2009). This success in 6 months is due, in no small way, to the hard work of the Lloyd Himaambo the Watch Dogs only writer.

My reasons for leaving are entirely personal. I am still involved in African online media.

With Friends Like These In Govt, Who Needs Thieves

Last year I sold my car, a Volkswagen Mk III GS, to a close friend. The official transfer of ownership at the Governments Department of Transport (DOT) has not not been finalised yet because I have not been back to South Africa since February. Recently, however, the friend who I sold the car to found out that the ownership could still be processed in my absence if I filled out a couple of forms and provided certified copies of my identification.

My friend and I were glad to hear of this cost-effective alternative and by way of FEDEX I received the forms, filled them in and sent them back with copies of my identification certified by a notary of The South African High Commission in Zambia.

This week, however, my friend was informed by a civil servant at the Sandton office of the DOT that the transfer of ownership can not be completed because I am not in the South Africa. Apparently, I would have to be in the country to prove that my friend was not trying to steal the vehicle.

This "flip-flop" on the part of the "good" folks at the DOT for reasons of concern for my security literally became an insignificant matter in the next moment because the very same officer then proceeded to let my friend know that he could process the transfer for a small "fee".

I think we now have an idea of who the people with stolen cars may be talking to ...

Why I Blog About Africa?

There is a meme picking up in the blogosphere in which the question is asked: "Why do You write about Africa?" I thought I would observe it from a distance until my friend, Mulumba Lwatula, asked me directly in his blog.

BH Magazine, an online lifestyle publication, was founded from a common desire between friends (Chilu Lemba, Lubinga Chinungo, Nachumi Yambala and Mupwaya Mutakwa) and I to share any popular news we received with regards to the popular urban lifestyle in Zambia. I lived in South Africa at the time and quicly grew tired of reading the same old ominous articles on Africa in international online news publications.

I'm a story teller. One who enjoys particularly to share good news - a trait I may have inherited from my paternal Grandfather who was a Reverand with the Lutheran Church of Central Africa. While I am not in denial of our need as continent to address the numerous social injustices that set us back, I do fervently believe that it would be a tragedy if we didn't acknowledge our successes or celebrate the unique circumstances that make Mother Africa the gracious benevolent lady that she is.



Where else do you get the opportunity to meet a legend like Nobel Laureate Wole Soyinka in person and hear him explain first hand how he got out of his chauffeur driven car in the middle of heavy Lagos traffic to jump on an Okada (motorcycle taxi) only so that he could make it in time for the studio recording of a talk show interview? Where else do you get to meet celebrated people like the late Miriam "Mama Afrika" Makeba, Miss South Africa, Miss Zambia, TY Bello, D-Rex (I could go on name dropping shamelessly if you asked me to - lol!) and strike up conversations with each one of them without having to negotiate your way around burly body guards that surround the celebrities we see on the E! or MTV? (LOL!) Where else can you strike a match over coal to grill your meat while you down your favourite juice or brew without having to send out a memo to the neighbourhood six weeks in advance? Where else can you take a walk down the streets knowing that the $1 in your pocket could make a difference for the lady you hand it to? Only in Africa.

If I could borrow from the title of the late Steve Bantu Biko's collection of written work titled "I Write What I Like," I'd gladly let everyone know what to expect in mine since ...

... I love Africa!

It's my responsibility now to pick the next lot to continue this meme ...

• Chilu Lemba
• Itumeleng Sedumedi
• Osagie Osarenkhoe
  
• Tosyn Bucknor